i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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