you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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