Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
