Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
