People with herpes should wear stickers.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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