but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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