Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
