Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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