I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
