considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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