Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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