I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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