Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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