I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
