I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I intend to get homeless drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
