hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
