I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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