I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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