***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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