He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's Friday. Sex?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
