Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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