plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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