so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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