in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
