in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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