I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
