I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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