it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Acid is not a monday night drug
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
