$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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