We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
