If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
