he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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