Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
