My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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