Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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