She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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