I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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