May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
