Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
