someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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