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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us

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• (305): View more from Florida

  once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away

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• (917): View more from New York City

  she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her

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• (909): View more from California

  He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!

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• (858): View more from California

  who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.

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• (925): View more from California

  She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.

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