Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
