HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He shit in the fireplace
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
