everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
