last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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