I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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