Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
