Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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