I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
