Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A+ Viking dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
