I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
